Active Listening Parenting

The most important part of communicating with your child can be as simple as listening to them. Active listening means more than just standing by idly while they talk. It means stop doing whatever it is you are doing, stop thinking about anything else, and actually listen to what they say. This will help you understand what is going on, and can help you develop a response that will benefit them.

Children, like adults, need to vent. Many times this may be all they are trying to accomplish. Try not to interrupt them or butt in. Wait until they have finished and look for an indication to what type of response they are trying to elicit. In addition to listening to what they say try to identify their body language as well.

Actively listening should involve reflecting back on what you just heard. Do not repeat what you were told, but summarize in your own words. Start with “so let me see if I understand….” and finish with, “did I get that straight?” This will let the child know that you were not only listening to them, but that you also understood their problem.

Try to make time to actively listen to your child. If you tell them you do not have time know, to come tell you later, they may never come back. This can erode the child’s trust in you. They may seek another outlet or possible worse, they could keep everything bottled up inside.

If you absolutely do not have time to talk to your child right then, apologize to them. Develop a method of alternate forms of communication, such as having them write you a letter or send an email. Doing this can also help the child learn to convey their feelings.

Avoid belittling your child or telling them they are wrong. We as adults have many more years of experience under our belts. What we know, our children have yet to learn. Try to remain neutral and guide them to developing their opinion.

Active listening involved more than just listening. It involves focusing on your child and understanding what they are telling you. Do not interrupt them, and wait to respond when they have finished. Avoid directing your opinions on them, and instead help them develop their own.

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